Experts frequently say and everyone goes along with it that relationships are hard work. That is certainly true when two people who are insecure, fearful, defensive come into contact. However, even though it appears that it is the relationship between a couple – and all relationships are couple relationships – whether that be lover with lover, parent with child, employer with employee, teacher with student – is what is hard work but the harder work within each individual is what needs to be done. The reality is that the difficulties in relationships mirror more serious emotional issues within each person and unless that inner turmoil is addressed the relationship will continue to be troubled. Whenever you find yourself working hard to resolve anything in your relationships – meanness, hostility, rigidity, irritation, disagreements, aggression, passivity – your work would be better placed within. When you work at resolving the conflict between you, you won’t be relating, you will be negotiating. What needs to be realised is that relationships that are not hard work exist in the experience of wholeness within. When you are at peace with yourself you are at peace with another; when you belong to self you bring that belonging to another, when you inhabit your own individuality you embrace the individuality of another; when you experience a deep inner solidity you don’t have to look for, demand or negotiate change in the other person. Relationships are best held by each person taking responsibility for self and his or her own actions. Once individuals commit to deepening their consciousness of their own unique being; their wholeness, their innate goodness, their power beyond measure to be responsible for their own lives, their individuality, relationships automatically improve, because they are sending new energy along the invisible strand that connects us all – unconditional love.