I have had many invitations to be a member of Facebook but from the very beginning of its inception I had a huge resistance to it. Since the days of Socrates’ call for individuals to ‘know self’ there has been a philosophical, psychological and spiritual momentum in that inner direction. Both Buddha and Christ call on us to ‘love self’ and, indeed, there are ancient Indian and Chinese texts that announce that ‘it is the Self that should be known and it is the Self that should be loved.’ Lao Tzu, the Chinese sage claims that ‘it is wise to know self and learned to know another.’ Rumi, the thirteenth century Sufi poet, wrote that ‘a person only becomes an adult when he takes responsibility for Self and for all his own actions.’ In more modern times, psychologists like Carl Jung, Roberto Assagioli, the founder of Psychosynthesis and many others urge us to take the longest and most exciting journey inwards to Self. It is my belief that Facebook has become the greatest distraction from that most important interior work.
Read moreHolding Out for Love
May 4th was Asthma Day and I was reminded of the very high and increasing level of asthma in Ireland. Presently, over 440,000 individuals suffer from this condition. The condition of bronchial asthma refers to the type of suffocation-spasm typified by wheezing during expiration. It is preceded by a constriction of the small bronchi and bronchioles, which can be caused by a cramping (a prolonged holding) of the smooth musculature, an inflammatory itching of the airways and an allergic swelling and secretion of the mucous membranes. Individuals – children and adults alike – experience asthma as a life-threatening suffocation: sufferers claw for air and breathe in gasps with the out breath especially throttled.
Read moreIs Compassion Possible in the Workplace?
Compassion is an emotion that arises in response to understanding that the difficult behaviours of either employees or managers are not consciously deliberate in their neglect of others but are unconsciously designed to bring attention to the individual’s inner turmoil. Is it a bridge too far to ask an employee who has been relentlessly bullied by a manager to have a compassionate understanding of the manager’s unconscious plight? Such a situation is only possible when individuals who have been bullied first of all develop a compassionate understanding of their own emotional pain and the passivity that has unconsciously prevented the emergence of an assertiveness that would have challenged the bullying behaviour when it first presented. There are two very separate issues that require consideration here – one, the plight of those who are at the receiving end of bullying and, two, the plight of those who owing to their inner securities resort to bullying to reduce perceived threats to their wellbeing. There is a further consideration – that compassionate understanding is suggesting that individuals who bully or who are passive are responsible to their defensive responses but they are not responsible for their actions. The ‘to’ and ‘for’ distinction is important because when others insist you are ‘responsible for’ your actions, they are judging that you are deliberately being neglectful, whereas when others assert the need for you to take ‘responsibility to’ your actions, I know that your bullying arises from a place of hurt within yourself; in this way they are compassionate, non-judgemental but still assert the need for you to take responsibility to the neglect perpetrated.
Read moreRaising Responsible Teenagers
When a child or teenager goes on the rampage in response to a ‘no’ from a parent, what is the parent to do? Certainly, a clip around the ear would only be fighting fire with fire and does not model for the young person a mature way of managing a conflict situation. The immediate response to a child who is attempting to gain control through destructive or terrorising behaviour is to physically hold the child in a firm and non-threatening way that is safe for the parent and prevents him/her from continuing the intimidatory behaviour. When it is a teenager, the parent needs to keep a safe distance, maintain strong eye-contact and request firmly that (s)he immediately desists from this disturbing behaviour. If the teenager continues rampaging, then within the young person’s earshot, the parents need to ring the police and request immediate help. This latter response is both a kindness to self and to the son or daughter.
Read moreChocolates without Bows
Valentine’s weekend is upon us and the sales of chocolates and flowers with bows will rocket. The word ‘bow’ has several meaning: tie, curtsy, weapon, bend the knee, avoid (bow out). The intention of the ribbon bow may be conscious or unconscious. Some individuals bring the flowers with bows with the conscious intention of ensuring that, for example, they do not have to listen to the complaint ‘you forgot, didn’t you, that it’s Valentine’s Day; that shows how little you think of me!’ Actually what it does show is how little the person complaining feels and thinks about herself. One wonders why is she waiting for Valentine’s Day to test her partner’s commitment to her. Surely, all the evidence of how he feels or does not feel is displayed on the other three hundred and sixty-four days of the year! There is certainly little to be gained if you are your partner’s Valentine only one day in the year. And one wonders too why the person who gives the bouquet of flowers ‘for peace sake’ is not being authentic and expressing what he really feels? The implication is that the relationship has gone cold, but because it is of a lean-to nature, he is not in a secure enough place to rock the boat.
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