A ‘guilt trip’ is either a journey you create within yourself or one that another person attempts to arrange for you. The person who expects you to take responsibility for him can lay out the terms of the trip with such phrases as ‘you only think about yourself’; ‘you’re never there when I need you’; ‘everything else comes first before me’ and, even more alarming, ‘I am nothing without you.’ The latter response is particularly worrying as it may be a precursor to a future losing of all sense of one’s value following the break-up of the relationship. This is not uncommon among young men who either threaten to or take their own lives following what they interpret as rejection of them by the young woman who ends the relationship. When a person internalises the dependency verbalisations and helpless body and facial expression of another they will experience guilt. 

All relationships are couple relationships: parent and child, lover and lover, husband and wife, manager and employee, child and child, friend and friend.  Furthermore, no two couple relationships are the same, because when two unique individuals interact it makes for a unique relationship.  There is also the fact that each child in the one family has a different parent, each student in a classroom has a different teacher, each employee has a different employer/manager and each churchgoer has a different Pastor.  Any parent or teacher who says that they treat all the children in the same way concerns me, because, one, they are missing the point that all relationships are couple relationships, and, two, that each child is a unique individual and fiercely determined to be seen for self. 

The word mind is generally defined as what goes on in your head – thoughts, imaginings, inventions, problem-solving, analysis, planning, dreams, post-mortems, self-criticism, judgements, appraisals, memories. When individuals miss the fact that the word ‘mind’ also means ‘to care for’ then such mind without heart is not mind at all! In other words, when the heart qualities of love, tenderness, nurture, empathy, support, comfort, warmth, affection are not present, the head without the heart can prove to be rigid, judgemental, controlling, inflexible, arrogant, depersonalising, superior, dismissive and intolerant. Our human nature only achieves equilibrium when the polarities of head and heart, feminine and masculine and right-brain and left brain are in harmony with each other. When the head, which is largely about ‘getting ahead’ – an outward movement – is not balanced by the inward movement of the heart, it can rule in a heartless way and be a major source of threat to the wellbeing of others. For example, the man who is highly ambitious – success being his God – will neglect his relationship with his wife and children resulting in considerable trauma for them. In the workplace, the loss of his own valuing of himself will manifest in a depersonalising of other staff members and clients.

In my thirty years of practising clinical psychology in psychiatric hospitals, abroad and at home, in communities and in private practice I have encountered many individuals who have found themselves entrapped in a psychiatric system that offers no hope but, nonetheless, exercises major legal and therapeutic control. There might be some justification for the latter control were it the case that psychiatry was strongly experimentally established and that clinical interventions made some difference to the lives of those who seek out psychiatric help. The reality is that the revolving door – in psychiatric hospitals or psychiatric wards in general hospitals or in clinics located in the community – continues to swing as much as ever. There is no intention here to be critical of psychiatrists – I have no doubt that most of them practice in good faith – but I do have serious issues with psychiatry itself.

What has been most noticeable over the last year is the major lack of accountability by individuals in the banks, government, property development, financial institutions and public bodies. Not one individual has stood up and admitted to the avarice, greed and depersonalising of staff members and customers that were part and parcel of their professional practice. Many of these individuals have attempted to hide behind the system – politicians are amazing at doing it – but it is not a system that neglects people, it is individuals. The whole sad lack of accountability is crying out for an explanation. Why would so many individuals who are well-educated, in status positions and possessing considerable political or financial power not own up to their very serious misdemeanours? It is not that those individuals – incidentally, mostly male – lack intelligence, but they certainly appear to lack maturity. The wonderful 12th century poet and mystic, Rumi, puts it well when he said ‘a person only become an adult when he takes responsibility for self and his own actions’; if it were only so we would emerge from the economic recession much more quickly.