When the editor requested I write an article on Love in a Cold Climate, true to my everyday work as a Clinical Psychologist, my immediate internal response was that many people live in a cold climate all of the time – even in the hottest climates – where they experience an absence of belonging or harsh, violent or cold abandonment.  This ‘cold’ climate can operate in families, marriages, workplaces, churches and neighbourhoods.  In this cold emotional climate love is absent and what can be present is a chilly atmosphere, bitterness, frostiness, ‘icy’ silences, ‘hailstones’ of criticism, ‘slippery’ topics of conversation, frozen looks and a freeze put on emotions and unmet needs that so much need to be expressed.  It is unlikely that the recent prolonged cold spell would have lead to any thaw in these loveless relationships; much more than a change of weather would be required to de-ice hearts wherein the blood runs cold.  These individuals who are terrified of any show of affection have chilling tales of loveless homes to tell those of us who have the ability to sit with their pain, the understanding ears to hear, the benign and compassionate eyes to see and the heart to feel unconditional love.  The experience of a persistent heat wave of unconditional love and warmth would be required to melt such defended and wounded hearts.

The relief of stress is a multi-billion euro industry. A cough, a cold, a headache, a stomach-ache sends the sufferer scurrying to the medicine cabinet or pharmacy in search of ‘a cure.’ There are over-counter medications that either lead to the digestive tract slowing down or speeding up, others to relieve heartburn or neutralise excess stomach acid. There are prescription drugs available to reduce anxiety – Valium, Xanax. There are multiple pain killers available and Tagamet and Zantac that decrease the secretion of stomach acid are frequently prescribed. There are anti-depressants available for alterations in mood. The problem with the widespread use of many such medications is that, even though the symptoms are temporarily alleviated, the underlying issues – physical or psychological or social or spiritual – that are producing the symptoms may not be getting addressed. Symptoms arise to tell us something is out of balance. If we ignore these messages or, more alarmingly, suppress them, it may only lead to more severe symptoms and a deepening of the unresolved underlying issues. What is more disturbing about people’s reliance on medication is that they become dependent on them and do not learn how to listen and trust their bodies.

Ireland has a history of putting people up on pedestals, most noteworthy, priests, teachers and doctors. There is no doubt that teachers have been taken off their pedestals and the fall from grace (ironic!) of priests and other clergy is fast accelerating. The medical profession is also under pressure and the superiority and arrogance of some medical consultants are being challenged by those who seek their help and by professional colleagues.

Given the calls over the last year for serious reflection on how we live our lives in Ireland, I wonder how people will approach this Christmas 2009? The sexual abuse scandals and the systematic covering up of these terrible violations have rocked people’s religious beliefs, and call for an in-depth examination of what religion and spirituality truly mean. The economic recession and the blatant misuse of tax-payers and investors’ money have called into question how we live our lives and, most especially, how we relate to ourselves and others. Religion has not served this country well; but then neither has materialism. One wonders what will we next turn our attention to. Given the time of year is it useful to turn to the story of Christ for an answer?

The Murphy Report was not a surprise – we all knew what was coming. It appears inauthentic for the Archbishops, Bishops, Government representatives and others to say that they are ‘shocked’ by the findings. The ‘shock’ came a number of years ago and the abject horror and deep apologies being made have a hollow ring to them. Archbishop Diarmuid Martin recommends that Bishops and Priests examine their conscience – A Catholic notion – and light years away from a much deeper examination that is essential, urgent and will determine whether individuals who systematically covered up the violations will truly come to maturity. The examination that is required is that of the unconscious – the uncovering of the repressions that led to making the Church’s reputation and wealth more important that the wellbeing of children. I