Sexuality belongs to each individual and is here for his or her joy and pleasure and when emotionally and socially ready for procreation.  However, while I have sexual energy, I am not my sexuality.  This statement can be a source of confusion but actually the real confusion is to enmesh my sexuality with my person.  This is true for all the self-expressions, so it follows that:

• I have a body but I’m not my body
• I have feelings but I’m not my feelings
• I have sexual energy but I’m not my sexual energy
• I have thoughts but I’m not my thoughts
• I engage in behaviours but I’m not my behaviours
• I long to belong but I’m not my longings
• I create many things but I’m not my creations
• I have spiritual experiences but I’m not my spiritual experiences

In the first of the current series of articles on authentic sexual self-expression I suggested that sexuality is best held, understood and expressed within the total context of all of the self-expressions. It  follows that when you confidently hold your own unique physical attractiveness, are comfortable with emotional expression of and receptivity to both welfare (for example, love, joy, excitement) and emergency (for example, anger, sadness, fear) feelings, have a profound sense of the enormity of your intelligence, own, understand and take responsibility for your behaviour towards yourself, others and the environment, enjoy your own company and the company of others, irrespective of gender, age, status, education and wealth, know the limitless extent of the creativity you have to design your own unique living, work and recreation and you occupy the house of your own sacred individuality, then authentic sexual expression is well grounded and supported. However, there are few individuals who have come into such a realisation of their wholeness manifested in such mature ways. The reality is that in one or other or, sometimes, all of the self-expressions you have encountered interruptions – the defensive responses of parents, teachers, relatives, clergy and other significant adults who peopled your childhood years.

Have we at all emerged from under the dark cloud of Catholicism and its suppression and demonising of sexuality by its shepherds and the collusion by its leaders with a dark underground of sexual violation of children?  Have we come to a mature place of reclaiming and enjoying one’s own body, deciding on what is right or wrong for oneself, appreciation of all parts of one’s body, feeling comfortable with self-pleasuring and honouring those parts of one’s body that have such an amazing capacity for pleasure and procreation.  It would appear that some shift has occurred but it has not been a mature one; we have gone from sexuality as taboo to sexuality as licence.  There has developed a huge emphasis on sex in Irish society but, ironically, there is very little openness or realness for men and women around sexual expression.  Regrettably, parents and teachers still struggle with embarrassment when having to discuss sexuality with young people and, indeed, the vast majority of parents do not talk with children and teenagers about sexuality.

From the moment of conception there is a unique individual present and it is for this reason that the parenting of a child needs to start at conception, not at birth, as many people believe. Indeed, it is my own belief that parenting needs to start pre-conception. Unless each of us as adults learn to parent ourselves, develop a solid sense of our individuality and a consistent active listening and nurturing of ourselves, we are not even remotely ready to parent a child. The preparation of prospective parents for the unselfish task of mature parenting is an urgent issue. Much of what has happened in the dark religious, political, educational, social and economic history of Ireland, not only in the major downturn over the last three years, but since the founding of the state would not have happened if we had more enlightened and mature leaders.